Ahora, el cansancio del invierno

The winter rain begins. This is a sign of drudgery, the fact that you have made a schedule for yourself outside of your normal job, agreeing left and right to overlapping engagements, and that finally the day arrives when you say “I cannot. Nor do I want to.” Strange, isn´t it? You agreed to what you thought would be fun, what you thought you would like. But agree once and suddenly the surge of “Can you teach my daughter English?” Well yes, at first glance that sounds fine. “Are you available on Wednesday at 4?” Yes, I have a class until 3:45, but I suppose I can walk fast between places. “How about Wednesday at 5?” So there´s this wave of requests and little inexperienced you are bewildered and tossed about to confusion. Teach English? Yes, I teach English. Eight hours a day? I guess that sounds alright.

But it´s not alright, it´s exhausting. There are people who can do it, but I do not believe myself to be one of them. I know that now.

I don´t mean to complain. I´m quite alright here actually, having a good time and all. I know my limits, I have rediscovered them in a new context and this is all part of growing up. I am not bored, but those old feelings of loneliness come creeping back not because of lack of activity but because of lack of close friends. Mankind has a deep and mysterious desire to know and be known. With all the culture and language knowing I´m doing these days in Spain, my hunger to know another person and be known well by that person is not met. Quite curious you might think, but it is the simple difference between personal and general knowledge. I just need to find my niche here.

I have started this Sevillanas class which is the nicest way to end my Mondays and Wednesdays. I have learned the first Sevillana (there are four in total) plus arms. So when I see you all in the summer, I will show you what I´ve got and you´ll see that I am quickly on my way to living in Spain forever as a professional Sevillanas dancer! Maybe.

So some interesting facts about Sevillanas:

1. It is not the same as Flamenco. It does not form part of the Flamenco style. Many people thinks so, but it is false.
2. It is closely related to bull fighting. If you watch the male part, his moves resemble those that a torero (bull fighter) might make in a corrida (bull fight).
3. There are loads of variations of Sevillanas. Some begin with the right foot, where standard is that the first step is with the left. I wondered, could this be related to a political preference? The girls in my class say no, but who knows the history.
4. The music is in counts of six.
5. There is not a preferred pairing for the dance. Women can dance with women as easily as with men. I think that men can dance with men.

Well, something else I´d like to tell you is that I´ve been baking like a maniac and have met so many people in Madrid and it´s surroundings in the last couple of weeks that I have quite a network of people going. I go there every weekend and, though I never thought I would like a big city so much, I am proud to be living the life of a Madrileña.